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HomeHomeGlasgow Sands F...Glasgow Sands F...General Discuss...General Discuss...So confused, why us?So confused, why us?
New Post
09/08/2012 03:40
Hi Deborahd
im glad to hear you are both doing a bit better as i said the pain will ease bit at a time. sorry to hear that your PM results seems to have left you with even more questions like why did they leave you so long. i don't think it was fair for the doc to say that if you had got an earlier appt then everything might be ok now, that is just adding to your pain but i suppose he has to let you know all the facts, i think you have the right to feel angry now!
You will go through a whole bunch of emotions, you will question the doctor/midwifes decisions to leave you for as long, you may even question yourself for not asking them to act sooner but you can only go along with what they think is best and it is hard to go against someone with your best interest at heart.
As far as i was lead to believe the placenta stops working after 37 weeks and SANDS has been lobbying the government to start to bring in a test to ensure that everything is still ok with baby after the placenta has stopped working and til you deliver. that was the reason they gave us too so for us if this test was in the current care plan then both Fraser and Scott would possibly be with us right now!
With Gary Barlow's wife loosing a baby recently it is going to be in the news even more and this is only going to stir up memories for you and your family, so just remember that we are here for all of you if you need any help or even just to be in the company of others that have been in your situation.
We have our monthly meeting at Wishaw this Monday coming if you feel up to attending, as I've said they are very informal, you don't have to say anything if you don't want to sometimes just listening to others helps!
What hospital were you in with Scott?
Im glad I've been some sort of help to you both but please let me/sands know if there is any more we can do for you both.
take care
New Post
15/08/2012 11:39
Hi Gavin,

I really do think we are doing better although for the past week or so I've been crying myself to sleep most nights.  I feel ok when I'm at work and keeping busy but as soon as I'm in bed the thoughts still race over and I get sad.  I think on hearing about Gary Barlow and his wife losing their baby and it being so public it does make it all so raw again and you think of your own loss over and over.

We asked our Consultant the question, so if we'd have been in the day before and he answered it would've been ok so we asked if we'd have had an earlier appointment and again he answered, it would've likely have been ok.  It makes it so much harder to accept knowing we were so close from everything being ok but like you say, I guess he's got to tell us the truth and that's literally we were just left too long.

I've written a letter of complaint to the NHS.  Just asking things like, why leave you so long overdue if they know it has so much risk.  Also, I was seen at 11am at 5 days over then that was me, not seen again until 4pm at 12 days over.  Surely that's not right if they know the placenta could be failing!  Surely they've got to monitor you more, do heart checks on the baby etc.  I got a reply saying they've received my letter and are looking in to it.......

Does SANDS have a petition going or anything that I could add to for helping get the Government to bring in that placental test?  Like you say, Scott and Fraser would still be here if that test was in place.  It's so unfair!  I feel like they are playing games with not having this in place - chancing with our babies lives.  They know it's a risk yet they are doing nothing, just letting this happen - it's just not right!

We were at the Princess Royal with Scott.  I think we will definitely come to SANDS at some point, now that I feel certainly more stable and that talking about it won't set me back if you know what I mean.  We have a holiday booked at end August to get away and just reflect on everything and take things from there when we get back.

I think I'll always feel angry about this, let down by them and miss my boy so much.  I guess like they say, you just learn to live with it and adapt to a new 'normal' life.  We are plodding along just now and hopefully one day we'll be able to smile again and perhaps be blessed with other babies where we can tell them all about their beautiful big brother Scott who's now an angel in heaven.

HomeHomeGlasgow Sands F...Glasgow Sands F...General Discuss...General Discuss...So confused, why us?So confused, why us?

The Glasgow Sands organisation produces support leaflets, these are normally provided to bereaved parents during their stay in hospital and can also be collected from our Support Meetings. 

Health Professionals can request these leaflets and we will issue you free of charge copies as required - Please click to view leaflets and how to order 

Glasgow Sands donate quarterly to the National Organisation who are working to promote research and improvements in practice which could save babies' lives.

This section contains first hand experiences written by parents and their relatives about the death of their baby, plus a selection of poems and memorials. Please click on the links to read more.

Parents Experiences Relatives Experiences Poems/Memorials

Fundraising with Glasgow SANDS

Glasgow Sands is a charity that receives no goverment funding, all financial support comes from fundraisers and their wonderful efforts.  Losing a baby not only affects the immediate family but friends and the extended family too. Find out how you can help...


Add a Memorial Page
Add a Memorial Page
Within the Chapel of Rest at each of the maternity hospitals across the city, and at Wishaw, Glasgow Sands befrienders work with the staff to maintain memorial books.  These leather bound books are available for all to read. For the Southern General you will need to request to view them at the maternity Hospital.

Should you wish to add a page you can - click here to find out how


We are so sorry that your baby has died.


Memory BoxIt may feel very hard to take in the reality of what has happened and to have any thoughts of what to do next. However, many parents have told us how important the memories of the short time they have with their baby are and that they have found it comforting to have reminders that they can look at and hold.

This ‘Always Loved, Never Forgotten’ memory box is given by Glasgow Sands as a way to create some memories which you can cherish.


Should you wish to request a Memory Box you can - click here to find out how