I really do think we are doing better although for the past week or so I've been crying myself to sleep most nights. I feel ok when I'm at work and keeping busy but as soon as I'm in bed the thoughts still race over and I get sad. I think on hearing about Gary Barlow and his wife losing their baby and it being so public it does make it all so raw again and you think of your own loss over and over.
We asked our Consultant the question, so if we'd have been in the day before and he answered it would've been ok so we asked if we'd have had an earlier appointment and again he answered, it would've likely have been ok. It makes it so much harder to accept knowing we were so close from everything being ok but like you say, I guess he's got to tell us the truth and that's literally we were just left too long.
I've written a letter of complaint to the NHS. Just asking things like, why leave you so long overdue if they know it has so much risk. Also, I was seen at 11am at 5 days over then that was me, not seen again until 4pm at 12 days over. Surely that's not right if they know the placenta could be failing! Surely they've got to monitor you more, do heart checks on the baby etc. I got a reply saying they've received my letter and are looking in to it.......
Does SANDS have a petition going or anything that I could add to for helping get the Government to bring in that placental test? Like you say, Scott and Fraser would still be here if that test was in place. It's so unfair! I feel like they are playing games with not having this in place - chancing with our babies lives. They know it's a risk yet they are doing nothing, just letting this happen - it's just not right!
We were at the Princess Royal with Scott. I think we will definitely come to SANDS at some point, now that I feel certainly more stable and that talking about it won't set me back if you know what I mean. We have a holiday booked at end August to get away and just reflect on everything and take things from there when we get back.
I think I'll always feel angry about this, let down by them and miss my boy so much. I guess like they say, you just learn to live with it and adapt to a new 'normal' life. We are plodding along just now and hopefully one day we'll be able to smile again and perhaps be blessed with other babies where we can tell them all about their beautiful big brother Scott who's now an angel in heaven.